Adam and Eve Story with the Dinosaurs

Since the dawn of humanity, we, the wise guys wanted to know if we are the son of God. The females wanted to know if they are God’s daughter. The guy there with his holy books would often say that His Holiness God created some muddy chap called Adam and some Soap called Eve and that these two are our HyperParents. Let me present to you Adam & Eve Reloaded Story 2009.

I am no angel but neither did I fell from that rotten heaven in thee book. I was goddamn extracted in a scientific hospital powered with some serum manufactured in some rusting factory somewhere I don’t belong too. In brief, I am just like you and everyone else. So we were talking about Adam and Eve the reloaded version.

Well let me tell you The Adam, Eve and the Dinosaurs Bones Story. There is always a fight between the Holy Book Glued dudes and the wise scientists. The holy book dudes say that God first created Adam and then created Eve. Logically, we derive that God is the Daddy of Adam and Eve. This somehow makes Adam and Eve brother and sister and their high-speed production of children was later identified as being an illegal act. (Reproduction between brother and sister).

However, he did it and even his sister loved it. So it was a win-win situation as the Honorable Paul Raymond Berenger would say it. However when the bones of the dinosaurs were found, there was a little problem with the Holy-Guy version of the story. That was when some teenagers of the baby boom age started to question the authenticity of the Bible.

Where the hell did the dinosaurs came from? It seems God lied to some extent in the holy books as he didn’t mention of the dinosaurs. So the modern holy guys had to edit the holy books to add the dinosaur bones part. It had to be done so that the whole crap does not look like an Afriwood movie. So here is the real story of Adam and Eve with the Dinosaurs.

Many many thousand years BC

God was feeling bored of being dumped by his wife. So he started to create Universe. He created the universe, the planets and also our little Planet earth in the whole process. Earth being only a residue of the other big balls he created, God didn’t notice it until Satan discovered that the water on the planet can be a good swimming pool.

God didn’t want Satan to swim in there so he invented the dinosaurs and put them in the water thinking that the dinosaurs will eat Satan when he and the devils would come to swim. However the dinosaurs became very friendly with Satan. God was annoyed so he drank a large part of the ocean so that Satan and his devils could not swim. However there was too much of water and God could not drink it all.

God swallowed many of the dinosaurs. However many of them were able to run away and finally some days later God sent a huge nuclear missile that killed them all. It was a targeted attack and that was the first holy war ever! Nowadays the supposedly Holy warriors are using rocket launchers but God, being so godly sent a whole thrash of meteors down to Earth!

This action of God therefore created the continents and the ocean. Soon after, God was still not satisfied with the authority level and decided to bet with Satan. He suggested to Satan to play Souls Hunting (which in 2003 AC was renamed as Angels and Devils in a PC Game). For this special game, God created Adam, a creature which looks like your brother or father. He was a muddy chap based on special testimonial we got from frozen bacteria in the Antarctica.

Adam was a special agent of God created specially to hunt the souls of other animals for God. That was an unfair advantage for God in the game. As such Satan decided to create a clone of Adam but with a slightly modified section near the pubic region. However God being the know-it-all read Satan’s mind and created Eve much before Satan was able to do it. Therefore God had two special agents for soul hunting.

To counterattack, Satan decided to fool the two chaps. In fact when God created Adam and Eve, he placed a little fruit-like thing in both of them. Adam had something looking like a banana while Eve had something looking like two apples.

This apple thingy was later renamed to Breasts by far more wise people. The breasts had a strange attraction effect on the long banana of Adam. God knew it and he warned both of them that eating the apple will mean a great sin and they will die!!

Satan knew this fact, so he managed to convince both Adam and Eve to eat the apple. Satan told them how God lied to them about the apple and that eating it will in fact give them the power of God. They were told that, they would be able to create smaller Adams and Eves!

God was so angry at Adam and Eve that he kicked them out of the Garden. Adam and Eve who were busy with their new discovery (the apple and the banana) did not care a fuck about God’s anger and keep playing with the fruit even outside the Garden.

As days and years went on, Adam and Eve created so many smaller creatures like themselves and thus started the crossbreed celebration. This practice was later identified as ‘ince$t’. After some time, Adam and Eve noticed that the brats they created were starting to question too much about the fruits, so they decided to cover it with leaves and only uncover it when being used. Many thousands of years later, it was renamed as cloth.

Oh God has cheated!

Disclaimer for the absolute idiot: This article is for fun only and does not intend to offence any sensible soul. If you are offended then please seek forgiveness to God for starting to read it and go away like an idiot. This is a joke and if you do not feel like laughting at a joke, then you need to have a check up. You’re too serious.