Apparently, the fifth richest man in the world, Mark Zuckerberg, a Hawaiian surfing legend and famous law enforcement official is issuing a disturbing warning to tourist boarders “exploiting Kauai and its beauty”; says Nā Pali Coast foil shots “pushes up house prices here… it drives us away”!


It’s a dream race off the track for the Morgs in a dream location. The draw couldn’t be more favorable for him.

Let me clarify two things before I introduce Morgs’ path to victory, why Nick Carroll is full of poo and why Morgan Ciblic is the world champion we need this year.

First of all, in the same vein that Kelly Slater is the smartest guy in any room he’s in, I’m the biggest fan of Medina in any given situation.

Second, I hate the accidental champion.

I believe this is a line from Derek Rielly and a lot of people don’t realize how much of an iron fist in a silk glove Ol DR is when it comes to managing his surf writing team *. A real Stalin. If I remember correctly, DR texted me maybe at three or four in the morning one night just to verify that I was on the tools and that it contained this immortal line: I hate the accidental champion.

What I totally agree with.

The worst days of my life to see Fred Morais beat JJF at J-Bay or Keanu Asing win the French Pro at the shorebreak.

I want the best to be the best or GTFO.

That said: it’s a dream race off the track for the Morgs in a dream location. The draw couldn’t be more favorable for him.

The first milestone race of the day will be the most crucial of the day for him. While the judges dictate that the progressive power ** surfing of the Australian blue-collar workers is in the good to excellent range, the remainder of the day will go mostly under the conditions he has already set.

If they low-ball three big rounds and a closing smash, then it’s done from the start.

He overtakes Connor Coffin.

Toledo panics. Try to play australian surf power games, stumble on a tune.

Sit and wait like a statue of Easter Island. Is beaten with two mid sevens.

Italo feels his virility very threatened by this insolence. Falls on three massive tunes. Attracts a fragmentary for a mid-six. Ciblic rides of the day for an easy victory.

Gabe is now what is called in local jargon the cornered ratrata accérolada.

“I don’t like this format, it’s unfair,” begins ringing in his ears.

This is the most unfair manifestation of the format.

A guy who a year ago was on the beach in a t-shirt trying to get a Medina signature, is now set to challenge him for a title that 40 years of dynamic Pro Surfing say should already be his.

That thing that fuck with Gabe, Pride.

Medina shoves, becomes physical and gains interference.

Heat One lost.

Heat Two, Gabe becomes huge and falls, the unstoppable Ciblic wins the world title.

Ridiculous. Particular. But perfect in the context of a sports governing body showing off its credibility in the most asexual and boring reality show in human history.

There are many objections to this path to victory.

Nick Carroll, in a summary for Surfline, said a lot, including this: “I haven’t seen any indication this year that anyone on the pitch can take them out in a best-of-three game, be it at Lowers or anywhere. other”.

To which I would answer, did he not watch the Olympics? Gabe stifled two sets in a row.

Didn’t he see Surf Ranch where he fell back in the final against Toledo.

Gabe is eminently beatable, especially on a wave where he has such a poor record.

Carroll then played the fatigue card as a major factor. To which I would answer: there is no place on the planet more suitable for surfing in several heat than Trestles.

No current, no big paddle, no crowds, long waits for sets.

The average trip to Trestles is 13-20 seconds, most 15-17 seconds. Morgan, like Jordy Smith and Mick Fanning, catches few waves in a heat (three or four on average).

When you do those naps, a minute of surfing in a 30 minute heat, it could get the job done with five minutes of real effort during the day, with tons of recovery between outings.

It’s not Pipeline or Cloudbreak where a single erase undermines the tank.

Certainly not a combat sport, as Carroll awkwardly compares it.

If a surfer of Morgs’ caliber can’t ride five minutes in a single day, then the whole concept of a surfer as an elite athlete is nonsense.

It’s just silly nonsense, like The Ultimate Surfer.

Two defined waves per handle, expertly mounted, will do the job. No need to reinvent the wheel either, as Carroll suggested.

If the judges score eights for the big turns in a heat, they will score them eights all day.

Morgs can also do this on the left, as we saw in Narrabeen.

One of the most absurd results of this glorious path coming to fruition is a brighter future for Pro Surfing, Elo and the Woz are playing with double fire dealing with the Australian taxpayer by going all out on the Ultimate Surfer, destroying the integrity of the QS system which has been funded by the Government of Oz for years.

You don’t mess with the main squeeze, as Amy Winehouse advised: you keep your cock wet with your same old safe bet.

If the despised Australian taxpayer turns his back on the Woz, it’s over.

I don’t think Elo realizes it.

A Morgan Ciblic victory secures another decade of clean funding in the pipeline.

It keeps professional surf dreams alive on the Island Continent and enrages an entire nation, ensuring a better 2022 than one might have dreamed of in the High Castle of Santa Monica.

Please tear this logic to shreds, I’d love to hear the counter arguments.

My last call: Italo Ferreira for the world champion.

* Very justified in this case.

** No oxymoron

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